With All My Good Intentions

This feather may look worthless, but it comes from afar and carries with it all my good intentions.- The Joy Luck Club

Last weekend I decided to take my sons on a road trip to Hawkinsville, GA where my paternal great great grandparents raised my great grandmother “Tooie.” I only have one picture of the three of them together along with a wallet my GGgf received as a gift on the day that he was freed from slavery. I grew up hearing stories about Grandma Tooie’s adventures, so when I pulled into town it felt like a homecoming of sorts…unfortunately I had no idea where to go once I got there.

By mid afternoon on Sunday my enthusiasm waned. Hunger, fatigue, and maybe a nudge from our guardian angels led us to the local soul food diner where we were greeted by kind faces, good conversation, and hot food. I was delighted to discover that the town’s African American cultural center, The Newberry Foundation, was housed right next door, but unfortunately the center was closed. Just as we were about to leave, the founder drove up and cheerfully opened his doors. He gave us a history lesson, listened to my story, and helped make sense of the dead ends I’d encountered in my search. My boys and I listened to stories of local black families going back over almost two centuries. I felt a renewed sense of hope and connection to my roots.

I post a lot about hope, purpose, and happiness; this focus stems from my need for reminders that life is bigger than the obstacles and tragedies we encounter. Throughout my adult life I’ve had periods of time when I felt inadequate, unmotivated, or the challenges I faced just seemed too hard. I’ve had to limit my media intake because even on a good day I can get overwhelmed by the world’s sadness, violence, and lack of empathy. During those times I look to my ancestors and they ground me, they give me strength. They remind me that in every tragic story publicized there are ordinary people who quietly rise up to do remarkable things.

I’ll never know exactly how my great greats or their parents before them felt or how they made it through. What I do know is that they make me want to be more and do more on the days that I feel like I have nothing more to give. I’ll keep telling their story because part of it belongs to me. I believe I can best honor their legacy by sharing the hope they passed down through generations and by standing with others who choose to explore their purpose in this life.

Down in Pulaski County I felt my ancestors presence and guidance all around, silently cheering me on. I was drawn to this tree that stood defiantly in the midst of the demolition/construction on County Line rd where my family, now long gone from this earth, once lived. I looked up at the old tree, heart full of gratitude, and smiled...I swear I felt it smile back and whisper #canttearusdown #stillstanding #keepgrowing #welcomehome #allmygoodintentions