I'm late, I'm late!
Never let ‘em see you sweat
My boys and I often have our own personal rush hour that occurs long before we’re graced with the inevitable Atlanta traffic. I scurry and pace to and fro with my soon to be 12-year-old as my almost 3-year-old happily finds a new marker to graffiti the choice spots on the wall that he deems the most difficult to hide from company. During these hurried times I remind them, “If mommy starts to sweat that means we’re taking too long!” You see, my anxiety does this cute little trick where it uses my sweat glands as a sort of alarm clock.
Luckily today was more relaxed, otherwise this introspective blogger moment would be less likely to happen. The rush hour days feel different; those mornings leave the residue of the unrelenting, White Rabbit, Alice and Wonderland style feeling that sometimes even a shower at the end of the day won’t wash off. On those days, even when I’m lucky enough to not actually be late to my appointments, the thought “I don’t have time” pops up again and again. Kid forgot his lunch at home? I don’t have time! Husband texting me about a bill? I don’t have time! Last minute schedule changes in the office? I. DON’T. HAVE. TIME! (sidenote: It occurs to me that I yell the loudest in my head when I feel forced into quiet pleasantries aloud. I’m also convinced that head-yelling is the source of all migraines...there’s more room out than in, you know?)
When you gotta go, you gotta go
Most days I eventually realize that it’s not my clock that’s running out...it’s my energy. When I’m really on my game I recognize that “I don’t have time,” one of the most overused and inaccurate assessments of feeling that I know (only to be outdone by “I’m tired,” which is a blog for another day), signals a need for self-care ( a word also overused, but cut me some slack this is a therapy blog after all). This signal is nowhere near as effective as my sweat clock, but with some practice I’ve learned that it means I need to stop what I’m doing and make time. Make time for conversation or laughter or a bathroom break, which feels like a luxury some days. Make time to use my energy to sing badly in a soundproof office or car, to go for a walk, or cry to a friend even if I can’t explain why I’m upset. Make time to stop and refill the emotional energy cup that pours from the top even as it leaks from the sides.
You are your most important date.
Emotional fatigue is real. You know that right hand punch that knocks you off balance as you examine your To-Do-List around 4pm and realize that not even you can save the world in an hour? That’s real. I’m no guru, I have to remind myself to set up reminders, but my favorite thing about my work is the opportunity to sit with Wonder-Women from all walks of life and review the 3 Rules of Saving Grace (a title that I admittedly just made up and I’m not organized enough to provide in order, but stay with me these 3 things almost always come up in sessions) 1.Even superheroes need sidekicks. You don’t get extra credit for trying to do it alone. 2.Batteries, especially the emotional brand, either recharge or run out. What’s your preference? And my personal favorite, number 3. If you spend less time stressing about time, you have more time to use it. Those 15 minute planning to plan sessions, followed by the 10 minute “Oh no I forgot to…” freak outs, and the creep up on you late at night when the house is finally quiet coulda-shoulda-woulda inadequacy sessions, are energy vampires...put a stake in ‘em. Then stake your claim to the life that you really want. Make a commitment to yourself, that everyday you’ll try, imperfectly, likely with post-it reminders and cell phone alarms, to enjoy life. No judgment if it takes a while, you have time. The most each of us can do is try our best and offer a fellow Wonder Woman (or Superman) a hand when you see her headed down the Rabbit Hole.